The Window

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Window Looker
"I can't guarantee that the window will be open later."
With that, my fate was sealed. At 22 I was pretty much incapable of forging my own path in the face of an authority figure. I made feeble attempts at deferring graduate school for a year, but then did not pursue that avenue when it actually mattered. Basically incapable of saying "wait", I plodded off to grad school. As is often the case, everything worked out wonderfully, although this same passive behavior steered my life in whatever direction circumstances presented for years afterwards.

For some, taking the path of least resistance can be terrible, but despite signing my life away to post graduate work for 7 years, life gave me plenty of opportunities to travel, which was all I really wanted to do before attending grad school. Work travel taught me that I can travel alone, but that I don't actually want to. 'Not for an extended period of time, anyways. And so, not taking a year off to travel turned out to be a fine decision. I decided to own my decision to attend graduate school immediately after my undergraduate coursework, instead of whining about being forced down some path that my own cowardice forced me down. Actively making the decision to remain in grad school now turns that choice into my own, now.

But there are other decisions to be made in life, and you cannot always sit on the lazy river of life choices unless you truly wish to constantly attempt to own decisions others have made for you. It's not exactly the best path to happiness.

As I get nearer and nearer to graduating (again), that same window hangs precariously open. Do I take the path of least resistance, or do I choose the course which I might maybe actually want to pursue? How does a consummate wimp learn to own her decision now, before it happens, rather than in hindsight?


Zoe said...

How exciting that your graduation is approaching! As for making decisions after grad school, you really just need to ask yourself if you can see yourself doing this in 5 years. Base your decision on whether you will regret it or not, not how much work is involved :)

KT My Lady said...

Sounds like a time to leap! Few decisions are irreversible. Good luck in your discernment.

rooth said...

It's tough to tell when you're taking the path of least resistance because it's what you really want or if it's just easy and you'd like a break. Either way, don't lose that confidence in yourself to land on your feet, regardless of the choice that you end up making

Allison said...

That's a really tough decision. I'm guessing that you're more than qualified for whatever you'd like to do. Maybe you should look around to see what's available for employment, and if nothing appeals to you, you can go back?

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