Sunday, July 28, 2013
With that, my fate was sealed. At 22 I was pretty much incapable of forging my own path in the face of an authority figure. I made feeble attempts at deferring graduate school for a year, but then did not pursue that avenue when it actually mattered. Basically incapable of saying "wait", I plodded off to grad school. As is often the case, everything worked out wonderfully, although this same passive behavior steered my life in whatever direction circumstances presented for years afterwards.
For some, taking the path of least resistance can be terrible, but despite signing my life away to post graduate work for 7 years, life gave me plenty of opportunities to travel, which was all I really wanted to do before attending grad school. Work travel taught me that I can travel alone, but that I don't actually want to. 'Not for an extended period of time, anyways. And so, not taking a year off to travel turned out to be a fine decision. I decided to own my decision to attend graduate school immediately after my undergraduate coursework, instead of whining about being forced down some path that my own cowardice forced me down. Actively making the decision to remain in grad school now turns that choice into my own, now.
But there are other decisions to be made in life, and you cannot always sit on the lazy river of life choices unless you truly wish to constantly attempt to own decisions others have made for you. It's not exactly the best path to happiness.
As I get nearer and nearer to graduating (again), that same window hangs precariously open. Do I take the path of least resistance, or do I choose the course which I might maybe actually want to pursue? How does a consummate wimp learn to own her decision now, before it happens, rather than in hindsight?